


Keith vs. the Blue Knife-Wielding Housecat of Doom

by mikkimouse



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, POV Multiple, Training Deck Glitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 08:11:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11077536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkimouse/pseuds/mikkimouse
Summary: Keith turned to the training 'bot, but there was no longer a 'bot standing on the floor of the deck with him.Instead, there was a cat.





	Keith vs. the Blue Knife-Wielding Housecat of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> Something silly based on the tags I put on [this video](https://mad-madam-m.tumblr.com/post/157718578220/hoesidon-lancethetailor-nymphail-please) from the original Voltron series, because it made me laugh so hard I cried the first time that I saw it. 
> 
> Thank you to [bleep0bleep](http://bleep0bleep.tumblr.com/) for the beta!

Keith stalked his way onto the training deck and flipped on his favorite program. It had been one of those weeks, and he was ready to kick the crap out of some robots. 

He cracked his neck, took out his bayard, and moved his foot back into a defensive stance. 

Living on a castle that was also a spaceship was one of the stranger things that had happened to Keith, but he had to admit, there were definite perks. The libraries (multiple), the observation decks (also multiple), the surprisingly spacious bunks, and, obviously, the training deck. 

Training had always been Keith's way of dealing with...well, everything. So much of his life had been out of his control, but when he was here, when he was fighting, he was in control. His reflexes, his abilities, _those_ were what mattered here. 

He'd been on the training deck for about fifteen minutes when the comms pinged. "Hey, Keith." 

He smiled at Shiro's voice and wiped his wrist across his sweaty forehead. "Hey, what's up?" 

"We just went through a nebula and some of the castle systems are on the fritz. Are you okay on the training deck?" 

Keith looked around the deck, where the 'bot sat deactivated and waiting for him to start the program up again. Nothing seemed to be amiss. "Everything's good here." 

"Good," Shiro said warmly. "Contact us if anything goes wrong, okay?" 

"Sure thing," Keith said. 

He turned back to the 'bot and raised his sword once again. "Start program!" 

The training 'bot didn't move. 

"Start. Program," Keith repeated, enunciating each word. 

Again, the 'bot didn't respond. 

Great. It looked like going through the nebula _had_ screwed something up. 

Keith deactivated his bayard with a groan. He'd really hoped to get some more training done, but right now the best course of action was to track down Coran or Pidge and let them know what had happened. 

"End program," he called. 

The training deck yowled at him. 

Keith started. That was not a sound he'd ever heard on the deck. Hell, that wasn't a sound he'd ever heard on the castle, period. The Lions roared or, rarely, purred; they didn't _yowl_.

He turned to the training 'bot, but there was no longer a 'bot standing on the floor of the deck with him. 

Instead, there was a cat. 

At least, he assumed it was a cat. It was shaped like one, though a little bigger than the cats he remembered, but its fur was blue and its eyes were solid yellow. A matching yellow ridge ran from its nose back between its ears. 

It yowled at him again, and its blue tail twitched. 

Keith eyed the cat dubiously. "How did you get in here?" 

He was talking to a cat. The cat couldn't talk back. What was he thinking the answer was going to be?

The cat hissed, like it agreed Keith had asked a stupid question. 

He sighed and tucked his bayard into his belt. "I'm going to get Allura." 

The cat gave a hissing yowl, and Keith turned back around to see it had somehow acquired a _knife_.

"What the—" 

The cat ran straight for his legs. Keith pivoted out of the way, drawing his bayard once again. Some part of his mind recognized the ridiculousness of fighting a freaking _cat_ with a sword, but he'd never been attacked by a knife-wielding cat before and it was better safe than sorry at this point. 

He brandished a bouquet of lilies. 

Keith gaped at it. "What the..." 

He shook his bayard, hoping to change it back to a sword. The only result was that one white petal detached from the bouquet in his hand and floated delicately to the ground. 

The cat charged at him again, slashing at his ankles. Keith danced away, waving his bouquet of lilies at the cat in an effort to keep it at bay. The lilies were about as effective as he'd thought they'd be, which was to say they weren't even remotely effective. And the cat was _fast_. 

He ran to the door and hit the button to open it, but the door didn't budge. 

" _Seriously_?" Keith yelled at it, and dodged the angry, jumping cat. "Bridge!" he shouted at the comms, and when it connected, "Shiro?" 

"Keith?" 

"Remember how I said the training deck hadn't glitched?"

"Yeah?" 

"It started glitching." 

"Are you okay?" Shiro asked immediately.

The cat yowled, and Keith cursed at it. 

"Was that a _cat?_ " Shiro's voice held a thread of disbelief. 

The cat jumped at him, and Keith whacked it away with the bouquet of lilies. "Yes." 

"What is a cat doing in the training room?" Pidge's voice came over the comms. 

"Glitch!" Keith shouted, and the cat caught his ankle with the blade. " _Ow!_ " 

"We're on our way," Shiro said over the sound of Pidge and Lance cackling. 

***

It was Christmas. That was the only thing Pidge could determine. Standing in the control room over the training deck, watching Keith being chased by an angry blue cat while his only weapon was a bouquet of white flowers, was a Christmas gift from the castle. 

Granted, she couldn't really enjoy it because she was trying to get the training deck to _stop_ glitching, but still. The glimpses she got were hilarious.

"Why does the cat have a _knife?_ " Hunk asked. He sounded very concerned. 

"Try the door again!" Pidge called. 

"Keith, can you try the door?" Shiro asked into the comms. 

"Still not working!" Keith called a second later, and then, " _Damn it!_ "

"That's tiny blue cat three, Keith _zero_ ," Lance announced. 

"Lance, I swear to God I'm going to shove these flowers—"

"Both of you stop," Shiro ordered. "And Lance, quit keeping score." 

Lance crossed his arms and huffed. Pidge was pretty sure he wasn't going to stop keeping score until they got the training deck shut off. 

"I mean, cats have six ends and five of them are already pointy. Why would you give a cat a knife? It doesn't make any sense," Hunk said.

"You could tie it to the cat's tail," Lance suggested. "Then all six ends would be pointy." 

Hunk tapped his chin. "True, but that seems _really_ dangerous. Like, more dangerous than usual." 

Pidge snickered. "Kind of the point, isn't it?" 

"Pidge, can you please try something else with the door?" Shiro said patiently. Or rather, with the tone of voice that sounded patient but actually meant he was about to lose said patience spectacularly. "Or maybe just try shutting the training deck _down_?" 

"On it!" Pidge said, and started tapping at the deck's computer. 

It took her a couple of tries, but eventually she heard Keith shout " _Finally!_ " from the training room. She made a face at him, even though Keith couldn't see her. 

"Final tally: tiny blue cat six, Keith two," Lance said under his breath. 

"I heard that!" Keith yelled. 

Shiro exhaled sharply. " _Guys_. Knock it off." 

Pidge popped her head up over the computer to grin down at Keith, still in the training room with the bouquet of lilies. "A dozen Galra soldiers don't pose any problem, but you get your butt kicked by a ten-pound cat?" 

Shiro gave Pidge a look like she'd personally betrayed him. 

Pidge shrugged. "What? You told the guys to knock it off. I'm not a guy." 

Shiro rolled his eyes. "You're worse than Lance." 

Pidge grinned. "Thank you!" 

"The second I get out of here, I'm beating all of you with these lilies," Keith grumbled.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://mad-madam-m.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mad_madam_m)!


End file.
